I spy for dead empires. It's my way of coping with the imperial ambitions of the living. I spy for Venice, Vienna, Istanbul: any imperial city that has lost its global reach.—Herbert Muschamp

People, people, people. You didn't think we'd let this go, did you? When we get two Muschamp pieces in one day, we know we must pace ourselves. You wouldn't eat a five-pound box of Godiva's in one sitting, would you?

The sad truth is we're concerned for poor Herbie. It seems our attorney general doesn't think spying is cute, no matter how dead the empire. Sources tell us a squad of Blackhawks descended on Duane Street at dawn this morning, and that our favorite critic is now down at Gitmo, hoping some GI doesn't flush his copy of the "Arcades Project." God help us. The last thing America needs now is rioting at Au Printemps.

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