A few weeks ago it was our great pleasure to bring to you the dyspeptic stylings of one of our most ardent and logorrhetic admirers. Now, it seems, events in our little world—specifically, the design of Shea 2012—have once again driven him back into his Dark Space to compose yet another Brobdignian critique, this time on the nature of retro stadium design, a small portion of which we gladly excerpt here. The dear boy even sent us an image—Michel de Klerk's lovely Eigen Very Haard, surely one of our favorites—so how could we refuse? And please do be sure to read through to the end to reap the full bitch-slapping rewards:

Appreciated the recent item on the Craplympic Mets Stadium. Viewing that faux watercolor rendering prompted an epic reflection on sports architecture, that contradictionm in terms. First, why does the new Mets Stadium look like something Dutch architects of the World War I era would produce?

Secondly, and more mysteriously, why do the big buildings that house these collective urban forms of worship and fantasy not equal the cathedrals to which they are the heirs, in architectural ambition and achievement? An American Olympic Stadium should be Chartres-quality, no? Look at those amazing Italian and Latin American soccer arenas of the 50s and 60s, and weep. Is it something about Sports that Americans, those Puritans, can't quite take seriously or love? Why do current arenas attempt to monumentalize and thematize the humble no-nonsense service architecture of the 30s and 40s, then add some "high tech" crap to same, and expect us to take it? Why does such a rich opportunity for design contemplation go undeveloped? Even when Eisenman finally does a football stadium in Arizona, it looks a bit too much like an unfortunate eggplant. When Gehry sketches out a basketball arena for Brooklyn, it looks like basically the same thing dropped on the floor after being spray painted silver out by the fire exit. Even Zapata's ostensibly avant garde Soldier Field in Chicago for the Bears, generously describable as "controversial", is essentially a collosal piece of shit.

Why are architects defeated by sports in America? Possibly there are profound currents of thought here to be queried. But actually, there is no mystery behind this cultural dilemma. The problem is, every godamn stadium and arena in the homeland, except for Wrigley Field, has been designed by HOK Sports. And HOK Sports is the Devil. Their work is awful, and has gruesomely expanded into the niche and evolutionary vacuum left vacant by the fear and laziness of would-be real architects who need to get over their dreams of museums and mediateques and similar bullshit programs, and get on the sports bus. Where's the NASCAR track designed by Laceton & Vassal, that's what I want to know. HOK Sports should just rename themselves HOK Prisons and give the rest of us a chance to rise to the challenge.

Posted in Gutter Talk