In case you missed it in the February 1989 issue of National Geographic-- David Childs after the fall, apparently eating from the tree of knowledge...which he promptly cut down and made a bench out of.

Would you trust this man to design your wtc?

A-ha. A-ha-ha. A-ha ha-ha ha-ha ha. Full stop.

Here's a blind item for you:

Which major significant large midwestern school of architecture almost reeled in a certain dike-lovin' gallerist (couldn't resist) as commodore but lost the catch due to a mutiny of fifth tier urban designers economists intellectuals regional planners?

now get your ass in gear because the "architecture community" can't function without slander...

As the good, clean rain falls on this otherwise inglorious day—has the town ever looked more dour? has there ever been such a superabundance of long faces?—we interrupt the current ellipsis with a grab at some extremely low-lying fruit. In an email plugging an arriving show, the Storefront for Art & Architecture has finally joined the Watch™.

The project FASCIA unfolds as a series of live performances, video recordings and drawings, that engage in a visual dialogue with Steven Holl's and Vito Acconci's renowned design of the Storefront for Art and Architecture facade. Like Acconci and Holl, she challenges the traditional notion of facade as constituting a membrane that simultaneously separates and erotically joins the inside with the outside. FASCIA departs from the definition of the membrane-wall as both a marker and an embodiment of space.

Not exceptionally stupid, we know. That's why we weep.

· Upcoming Shows [Storefront]
· Storefront for Art & Archispeak: Party On [The Gutter]
· Gutterland JargonWatch™: Precrime Edition [The Gutter]

· Mark Strauss Has a Lot of Friends [The Gutter]
· Max Protetch Has a Lot of Friends [The Gutter]

No, no: we're not half as idle as our most loyal fans would have it. Not by half; while it may have appeared to many that we invented a new holiday (or two) for ourselves in order to squander July, then decamped to points sandy for much of August—only to return in September and fizzle out upon re-entry—the truth is that we've been traveling. With all the rest of the sad, sad, fallen world of starchitecture. Oh, but how that guilt already mounts; we must make a confesstion. It was not us, "per se", but one of ours—a colleague, an ally, a co-worker (in the bland parlance of our day). Squirreling away our dimes and ha'pence, we sent this brave soul into the belly of the beast—as some few wise among you may have cottoned—if by beast we mean the opening festivities of the...wait for it...10th International Architecture Exhibition of the Venice Biennale!

Venice Biennale begins for some, ends for others The prosecco bottles are lying forlorn and empty in the undergrowth of the Giardini in Venice, the palazzi are voided of black-clad architects in difficult spectacles. The Venice Biennale preview is over is and it’s now open to the public, meaning that it’s as good as over. Your correspondent arrived in La Serenissima on Friday in a state of moist anticipation. Will Farshid Moussavi be sporting headgear to rival her Dark-Helmet-out-of Spaceballs effort from last year? Will Ricardo and Liz talk to anyone? Will it be any good now that the director has decided cities are more important than buildings? How will the Peggy Guggenheim bouncers deal with being bum-rushed by the desperate, non-guest-list hordes? None of the answers to these questions are revealed below….

Reports and pix continue, after the jump, in the order they were received from the field and piled up in our inbox. Because, fine: We were out of town too, just plain rocking bells, and we're not gonna interrupt that for some damn blog.

Golden shower
Ricky’s choice of the bestest architect in the world had already been made by the beginning of the biennale preview. Richard Rogers, he of baggy shirt and baggier face, is the Burdett pick for Venice’s coveted Golden Lion. When those in London heard this it was hard to contain their lack of surprise. There’s no way to make this sound funny: Ricky and Richard are best friends, frequently dining together to discuss transport nodes and densification. Nepotism doesn’t even begin to describe it.

France rocks like it’s the 1920s, except with scaffolding and spliff
The best party of the biennale was held at the magnificent French pavilion in the Giardini on Friday night. Your correspondent was responsibly sleeping off jet-lag, but those who were there report spliff-smoking Frenchmen drinking from siphons and generally partying like it was 1968 amongst the scaffolding. That is until the police arrived and shut it down. Some hardy souls avoided the Carabinieri and slept the night in hammocks on the roof. An évenement and no mistake.

Koolhaas is a hairshirt protestant shock
Proof if it were needed that Rem Koolhaas wants us to suffer. OMA’s exhibition at the biennale informed us lowly critics that we had missed the new urban paradigm that has taken shape in Dubai. But only the most puritan amongst us could stand to read it all – the only seating was in the form of barely upholstered trestles. It explains all that empiricism, I suppose. Here’s a taster of the tone of the presentation text on ‘Emiratization’: ‘The fact that a large amount of the thrust that this system delivers is geared towards providing “Christians” [Koolhaas’ emphasis] with the carnal stupefaction and alcoholic altered states that violates the tenants [sic?] of it’s own religion – like an abortion clinic in the Vatican.’ Where to start with this diatribe? Alcoholic so-called Christian landlords in Kuwait violating their tenants? Is this the future?

· Biennale Architecture [La Biennale di Venezia]

Be careful of selling out to big money practices, you design heroes! Peter Cook, the Paul McCartney of 60’s beat architects Archigram, must have thought he’d hit pay-dirt with his recent big money transfer to international purveyors of ordinary architecture HOK. Well, playing the glamorous designer in a sweatshop of technicians isn’t as lucrative as it might sound, according to Cookie’s choice of airline from Venice. He was spotted dining on Cup-a-Soup and Pringles on the Easyjet flight to Gatwick.

On the subject of big name architects bending over for a fat cheque, can anyone stateside confirm European rumours that Patrick Schumacher has been courted by Gensler to become their design director in the States? We know he was angling for more dough from his current maitresse, but Gensler? Oh someone please know the answer.

There's so much chatter today about new something or others planned for Ground Zero. Yes, it is passing strange that Lord Foster's design should so closely mimic the idiot blanks of Danny's master plan and not his own spire circa 2003. Yes, Richard Rogers' busybee trusselated mass should be aborted post haste. Sure, Fumihiko Maki's tower is a straight rip of that triangular thing at 53rd and Lex that is already a sad homage to its noble Midtown neighbor, Citicorp. But the real action, as ever, is elsewhere. Designer Kevin Wallace has seen the future, above, and, pursuant to the unimpeachable logic below, it is his.

As the plans for Ground Zero have unraveled over the past five years and the site has become universally regarded as a moral, economic, and artistic failure, the ultimate fate of the site still remains uncertain on this fifth anniversary of September 11th. Considering that a new governor will be elected in two months and the current financing scheme is in serious question, a bold new vision for the City is not only a desirable prospect, but it is a highly plausible one given the merits of this fresh and elegant new vision.

Amazed New Yorkers may behold the merits themselves when the design goes on view at Gallerie Icosahedron, 27 North (sic) Moore Street, on September 9.

· Friday AM Linkage: Freedom Tower Friends Edition [Curbed]

Hi,

I'm a writer with Details magazine looking to feature a new (within the last three months) or soon-to-open (I'm working on the October issue) gorgeous architectural space, probably something commercial, such as a new building/restaurant space/etc.

Do you have any suggestions or anything I should look out for, anything the architectural community is excited about seeing completed?

Thanks very much for your help.

Has your staring at Dave Jones been as good for you as it's been for us? Alas, probably not. Didn't we mention that we're on a light posting schedule until after Labor Day?

Not to worry, Cook will remain all sorts of fucked in September.

I just tried www.archinect.com and it appears they didnt pay their network solutions bill...or they've been kidnapped...or bought by Gawker.

Oh, glorious Monday. A weekend of Peter Cook (stay tuned...), a morning of kismet, and, now, an afternoon of speculation. Our daily newsfix, Page Six, reports today that stay-in-bed nineties supermodel Linda Evangelista is pregnant, via—and hold your condemnation as we hold our fire—a turkey baster. Which, to walk the cat back for you Dear Readers more accustomed to all things au naturel, requires someone to, er, fill it.

Evangelista, who miscarried in 1999 when she was seeing French soccer star Fabien Barthez, has refused to say who the new dad is, although "a New York architect" has been mentioned by fashion insiders.

· Who's the Dad? [New York Post]

· House & Home [New York Times]

Keep it quiet, kids. If that price point gets around, it's gonna put a lot of us out of business.

Meanwhile, the Post, owning a story that should be rightfully theirs, breaks the news (and aerial views!) about the "the secluded $15 million Hamptons mansion that Christie Brinkley's horndog hubby used as a 'love shack' to get down and dirty with a beautiful 19-year-old aspiring singer." Four acres, six bedrooms, 10,000 square feet? That's a lot of lovin'.

· Emotional Wipeout as Gal Betrays Surfer Dude [NYP]
· Affair Lair [NYP]
· Diana Bianchi: New Face of Arcitectural Temptation [The Gutter]

A theft for the likes of which the GPB was made. It's sooooooo brazen. If by brazen, we mean brazenly wonderful. Look and live and learn. For this development in Dubai, SOM has taken a little bit of Childs' Freedom Tower circa 2003 (which, natch, already includes a dash of Guy Nordenson and a whiff of Calatrava) and added, in a fit of meta-irony, a touch of good old Thomas Shine. It's hysterical. And as a display of fuck-you, it's our world you just live in it power, it's brilliant.

· Infinity Tower [TEN Real Estate]

The 9/11 memorial at Ground Zero - the two square pools in the footprints of the Twin Towers - will produce a rising mist when conditions are right, especially cool mornings, memorial architect Michael Arad said at a Whitney Museum reception the other night. The party was hosted by Leonard Lauder and Howard Rubenstein to show off the new exhibition, "Full House: Views of the Whitney Collection At 75." Arad told The Post's Lois Weiss that his design is still evolving.

· Misty Mourning [New York Post]

· Peter Wooed Me & Bedded Me But I Was Just A Tool In His Sick Game [NYP]
· Breaking: Architect Gets Laid By Model, Assistant [The Gutter]

Peter Cook, 47, caused "substantial and irreparable harm" when he showered aspiring singer Diana Bianchi, 19, with luxurious gifts - including a Nissan Maxima - and then seduced her behind Brinkley's back, the lawyer said.

"It amounts to preying on an innocent, young and naive girl who would otherwise have no attraction to a 50-year-old man," lawyer Joseph Tacopina said. "He offered her money, a job, career advancement. And when he got her comfortable, he made his real intentions known."

· Teen's on Brink of Suing Him [New York Daily News]

You can count on grace pettiness. You can count on plenty blight. You can count on us working rocking whenever the fuck we want. And you can count on the folks obsessed with rebuilding the Twin Towers to be very, very angry. So angry, kids, they can't even read good. But they write brilliantly.

From our overbrimming inbox:

Alright your newsgroup or whatever the hell you call it (I simply call it a shithole.) freaking sucks! You guys are morons who do not even take the time to look into the facts BEFORE writing an article. I noticed that you claim that the Team Twin Towers wants to build "replicas" of the original Twin Towers. That is an exaggerated lie on your behalf, and complete bullshit! Look at all the pictures of the entries on the contest page and notice that none of them are the exact originals! You would have to be blind to belief that they are! I don't fucking care if you guys delete this mail or not, however I just figured you should know why everybody wants to destroy your shitty excuse for a website.

P.S. The Gutter is a great name for your shithole because, that must of been where you guys were spawned from.

And the beat goes on.

· Design Identical Twins or We Kill the Kids [The Gutter]

· The Gutter Salutes: The Glorious 10th of July! [The Gutter]

An image of future Freedom Tower leasing sublime from Reader FT opens and closes the festivities on this too-fine-for-blogging (read: last night was super fun!) Friday afternoon. A la prochaine.

· Rejoice! Freedom Tower 3.1 Revealed [The Gutter]

Please, please, please, O generous gods and godlings, ineffable deitudes from whom all blessings everlastingly flow: let just this one thing be true. Let it be real. Let it get built and used and visited and filmed. Let it become enshrined in monographs. Let it be learned and taught. Let it become the shining center of our common architectural memory. Forever. Breaking! Heidi Fleiss is building America's first legal all-male brothel in Nevada. And she says she's hired Daniel Libeskind:

Her plans now include everything from a spa to peepshow rooms. To design those rooms, she told me, she had hired World Trade Center architect Daniel Libeskind, and they were in “preliminary phases.”

Savor the love for a moment before you read on to the big "but"...

Whatever those phases are, when I reached Libeskind’s office, no one there had any idea what I was talking about, nor, they said, had they been in contact with Fleiss.

No matter what Nina says, we're not giving up hope. Because it feels so right.

· The Heidi Chronicles [LA Weekly]

It's almost over. The skinning marring of Frank Gehry's IAC HQ, that is. And good lord is that one hella funky curtain wall. Which isn't always such a bad thing. But let's just say it hasn't grown on us yet.

· Bad Skin Mars Gehry's NYC Debut [The Gutter]
· IAC HQ [WATPA?]
· The 21st Century Refinery of West Chelsea [Curbed]

All in all, not an unenjoyable outing for the Frenchman.

· On the Mississippi, A Vision Steeped in an Industrial Past [NYT]
· A Heart of Darkness in the Cityof Light [NYT]

...Some rich person's a-lovering? Oh, in our current soul-purging malaise we can do no justice—none at all—to the beauty we see before us. More brilliant machines—this one not at the expense of architects, but rather the result of one's genius. The mellifluously-named Dutch architect Janjaap Ruijssenaars has developed a mag-lev bed, and it's yours for only a million point five or so. Genius! But, as one commenter at the source site has already pointed out, "this is Wolverine's deathbed." No justice.

· Million Dollar Bed Floats on Magnets [Engadget]

Our Reader did, and he made some strangely wondrous discoveries:

Ch'ch'check it out...

LMDC = Limp Meatheads, Define Crapulence

AIA = Asinine, Inanimate Asses

Truly minutes and minutes of fun.

Yours, Etc. (or is that Yours, Excitable, Troglodytic Crackhead...)

You'll want to follow the link below to see the true and secret meanings of FXFowle, SOM, KPF, HOK, OMA, AMO, and, perhaps best of all, DS&R.

SOM = Stupid, Obtuse Meathead

KPF = Knuckleheaded, Pernicious Freakshow

HOK = Horrific, Obtuse Killjoy

OMA = Ogrish, Maniacal Ass

AMO = Asinine, Maniacal Oddity

DS&R = Depraved, Stagnating, and Rube

Our tipster, after noting the above, added: "Remember, these are computer generated semi-random acronyms, and yet is there hidden wisdom?" Hidden wisdom? Yes!!!! For the punchline, visit the Bile Machine right now and type in FAIA. We promise you'll be rotflyfao.

· Bile Machine [UMOP]

Yup. We've grabbed the girl and we're heading out to sea. Big game this time—no crabbing, no crabs. Catch you Wednesday.

· Gone Fishin' [The Gutter]
· Gutter to World: We Went Fishing! [The Gutter]

Folks, it's worse than we thought—if by "it" we mean the state of the craft of writing within Our Blessed Profession. Writing's like when you string words together in a line so people can read them. And you try to say something totally cool and new. Like, interestingly. And stuff. So—you guessed it!—people will actually want to read the words you strung together in a line for them to read!!!!

Here are the stirring opening grafs from the winning essay in this year's ArchVoices competition, "Research, Invention, and Collaboration" by a Mr. Erik Kath of New York City:

Let me tell you about our firm.

We are primarily concerned with the continuous advancement of the field of architecture and, inherently, the enhanced quality of the built environment. As lofty as it sounds, we want to improve the world. We do this through research, invention, and collaboration.

Before I begin, I should tell you why we started this practice in the first place. You see, we were not satisfied with the status quo. We asked ourselves why we continued to see costs escalate in making buildings at a rate exceeding the cost of living. We were constantly forced to make design decisions on the basis of cost that result in less choice, less customization, more standardization, and less quality. We were faced with numerous quality issues at the end of the construction process, solved only by reams of paper and countless hours of time. Compounding our frustration was the drive of our industry professional organizations to limit our involvement with the means and methods of construction.

Dry as death. And original as sin. But don't miss this gem among the honorable mentions:

Why is "Taco Bell" training so important to us as a teaching firm? Much like a dancer practices repeatedly to the same music to become fluid in the steps, we train with Taco Bells. Each Taco Bell is similar in size and scope, yet different as it is placed into different parts of the urban fabric.

Just a taste of the caliente to be found in "Taco Bell: A Teaching Firm Treasure."

· ArchVoices Essay Competition 2006—Honorees [ArchVoices]

Remember when Diller + Scofidio (before Renfro got real estate on the shingle) tried to pretend they were artists and got bitch-slapped in the Village Voice? It was beautiful. And it's happening again. Except this time it's Herzog + DeMeuron. And they're getting bitch-slapped in the Times. Roberta Smith, take it away:

Jacques Herzog and Pierre de Meuron should not relinquish their day jobs as high-profile architects in order to become curators or installation artists anytime soon. Their Artist's Choice exhibition at the Museum of Modern Art is perverse, cerebral and probably the most elaborate one-liner you're likely to encounter this summer. Nothing less should be expected from an effort titled "Perception Restrained," which jams artworks into extra-large wall niches almost entirely sealed from view.

Ouch. And oucher:

Intentionally or not, this show is a form of self-promotion executed by Mr. Herzog and Mr. de Meuron in what may be the most important building they did not get to design.

· Once Again, Herzog & DeMeuron Offer Their Vision of the MoMA [NYT]
· Coming Soon to MoMA: HdM's Funky Space-Out Zone! [The Gutter]
· Herzog & DeMeuron Bust the Blood and Sex at MoMA [The Gutter]